inspiring

my life has changed in these past few months more than i could say. and these changes have been for the best. i can honestly say i havent been this happy in a very long time. and i have complete peace of mind even in horrible situations. i cant tell you where this faith in myself came from, but all i know is that it is there and it didnt used to be. i think it has been all this time alone, its given myself that time to focus on my needs and even though i have a very vague view of the future, which is very unusual for me i always have everything planned, but i feel so comfortable with me as i am right now this very minute and i have never really been able to say that before. this past year, ever since november of last year to october of this year, i have been on the other end of the spectrum. i have made almost every mistake a person could make. thinking back on this year almost makes me sick. but seeing my progress in just these past couple of months, it amazes me. and i have some very very special people to thank for that.
first and formost i have to thank my wonderful family. i have put them through hell this year, and they have stood by me through every single piece of it, and are continually expressing their undying love for me and i couldnt be more blessed to have them in my life.
i am also incredibly grateful for tanya, by best friend. she not only picked up my ass off the ground from the messes of this year, but of all my messes through these past four years. the lord knew i was going to have these trials and that i would push my family and big group of friends away, so he gave me tanya and she has been the one steady thing in my life and everyday i am more and more grateful for her. i dont even want to think about the possibilities of where i would be without her.
i am grateful for greenhouse effect open mic. going there every sunday helps me open my mind open my soul and not be afraid to share it. they inspire me daily even though i only see them once a week. in fact, one of my friends from open mic told me this about inspiration: the meaning of spirit is breath. the latin root word of respiration means spirit. to inhale is to breath in life. to exhale is life, breath, escaping you. and to inspire is to put life, breath, spirit in somebody else. and that is quite literally what those wonderful wounded poets and musicians at greenhouse effect have done for me.
i am grateful for my many close friends who i havent given enough credit to. naomi has kept me strong. chelsey has kept me positive. jon has kept me happy. and i wouldnt be those things without them. i hope they know how much i love and appreciate them, even if i dont express my feelings to them all that often.
above all, i want to thank god. out of everybody that i have pushed out of my life and they were still there for me, god has been the prime example. and i have felt his love for me stronger now than i ever have before. i have had so many blessings in disguise and i havent discovered these many blessings until i accepted him back into my life. and as soon as i did i have felt him with me everywhere i go. i love him. i know he is there. and i know he is watching over me.

with that being said, anybody know of any place that is hiring? i'm having a hard time finding a job.. :)