self discovery

three different poems i've worked on the past few weeks. discribes pretty well all the craziness going through my head this month.....hope you like them!

~anxiety

i'm afraid of you
and the happiness you give me
i'm questioning if its real
i'm wondereing if its worth another risk
are you worth another heartache
i'm discovering this dusty wall
that he built around my shattered heart
that he shoved back in my scarred chest
i do want you to have this heart
i hope youre able to find its key
i hope i can find yours
let me heal this shattered heart
i see in your scarred chest
let me kiss your scars and
you can kiss mine
allow me to touch your shy soul and
you can touch mine
let me inside your lonely tears and
you can step inside mine
and we don't have to be lonely anymore
for the first time we can be one

i know i scare you
and the happiness i give you
your questioning if you're awake
wondering if i'm the real risk
if i'll give you more heartache
maybe we're having the same dream
i hope the nightmare ends soon
and we don't have to go through
this misery alone.


~chimerical

i'm restlessly tired
full battery, low energy
trasparent smile covering
my tear stained face
feet glued to the ground
while everyone i love is
jumping comfortably into
thier new skin
i don't know who this is
this scarred, tarred body
lying naked in the harsh cold
no where for shelter
no love for protection
i feel the need to be a hero
but now it looks as if
i need the saving
but no one here only
this broken soul of mine
i can't do this alone
where are you
my knight my heart
don't keep me waiting
i don't have enough strength
to hold onto this chimerical idea
that you will sweep me away
into the summer sunrise
just someone, anyone
help me to sleep
dream this all away


~metaphysics

in one life she's depressed
in one life she's worthless
in one life she's an invisible child
in one life she's barely skin and bones
in one life she's a nervous shy wallflower
in one life she's
in one life
in one life
in one life
in this life....

(its all about choice)
i'm already living those lives
but my conscious is. here
who will i be? ___

no matter what i will be (breathing)
the same oxygen
that i can't. see
no matter what i will (awake)
from some. slumber
in some bed

(its all about fate)
everything is set in stone
every (choice) every life....
but i am. not ___

in one life she's a spark in space
in one life she's a blur in memory
in one life she's
in this life i'm (better).
in this life. i'll overcome and endure
i'll (inhale) deeply knowing
there will. always be air
that will help keep my pieced heart beating
i'll (wake) with purpose
and with no. reason to
change my fate just to
change my attitude
i'll be (confident) (beautiful) (infinite)
(it's my choice it's my fate)
it's my life....