i live alone.. but i am never alone

have you ever broken up with someone you were living with?

its hard.
and it sucks.


-imbalanced

i live alone
but i am not alone

as the room empties
my soul feels lost
he packs his things
and my head feels heavy

i live alone
but i am not alone

just me and my
lonely bed
with only the hope to
live another day
alone

i live alone
but i am not alone

want to be independent
live in quiet confidence
be the woman
who has a man
but doesn't need a man
must be happy with myself
before i can be happy with
someone else
but are those women happy
with themselves? am i
striving for a life
no one has
do we all need somebody
or do we all want somebody
what is the difference?
in the end
we're all alone

i live alone
but i am not alone

how does the story
really end

i live alone
but i am not alone

do we only have god
to get us through his own tests
is that cheating
a selfish act to make yourself
the answers to your own questions
is that what i'm trying to do
when i kicked love out of my life
trying to life alone
stand my lonely ground
i don't believe god
is the only answer
god isn't selfish
like me
he made his children love
for a reason. so why
do i feel the need
to do everything myself

i live alone
but i am not alone

when will i accept this
phrase into my life
into my heart
when i'm thirty single and
still living alone?
when will i embrace that
i'm meant to love
not just myself
not just god
when will i be happy
with myself
with god
with whom?
why can't i have it all
the perfect balance

how does the story
really end

i live alone
but i am never alone

right now..

its hard to blog when you dont have internet..
i'm now living in millcreek with brendan. have been for the past five months. i turned 19 last month. got a tattoo. got an extra piercing. got a new cna job. i feel like a real adult. and yet i still go home to mom at least once a week for laundry.. greeting her with the song from dr horrible's sing along blog.. "laundry day. see you there. under things tumbling.."
i have yet to figure out exactly what i want to do with the rest of my life..
i have now figured out to a T but i dont want to be a cna for the rest of my life.. i dont even know what i'm going to do two months from now..
taking things one step at a time.

haven't had a whole lot of poetic thoughts in my head lately but i have written one that i'm proud of
its untitled

and i made that choice
gave it all up
for you my love
i chose to love you
chose to live for you
and now i stand
on middle ground
a thin place to dance
tip toeing through this dark
a light to follow or
a light to ignore
no obligation
nothing holding me back
only you my love
i'll hold onto you
and dream of that light
that i blew out
the choice i made
all for you my love
live in this silence
die in this darkness