I love my momma! She is amazing. My inspiration. She is now a college graduate, after a 20 year hiatus. She is also going into the master's program after the summer. She is a published author. She has successfully raised 4 children. Everything she has wanted for herself, she has accomplished. She is an amazing woman. I truly look up to her and hope to have the same courage she has to achieve my dreams. Just like my momma.
Tomorrow marks the first full year of my marriage. It was a rainy day, no where near as cold as it is this year. We only had one month of engagement, but we were both so anxious and excited for our special secret day. We had 11 people at our wedding, our close families. My mom made lunch. We borrowed a lovely lace dress. I had a small bouquet of yellow lilies. We wrote our own vows, which was the most beautiful part of our ceremony. It was small, quiet, and wonderful. This year has been the best year of my life, and this is only the beginning. One year down, many many more to go. I love you my sweet hubby! Happy Anniversary!!
Thanksgiving is my most favorite holiday. It humbles me and makes me see the positives in my life, its great time with the people I love the most, not to mention amazing food. And now I am going to blog about some things I am grateful for, tis the season :)
1. First and formost, I am thankful for my best friend, my therapist, my better half, my husband, Jon. We have almost been married a year now. Which feels a little bizarre..but at the same time, it feels like we've been together forever and this is just right. People always say the first year of marriage is the hardest. This year hasn't been the easiest, but I have loved this past year. I have never been this happy. And all of it is thanks to my wonderful husband. I can't imagine my life without him, he is my everything. I love him so wholely and so dearly :)
2. I am thankful for my mom. As I get older I have gotten closer to my mom. I look up to her so much. And I couldn't be more proud of her for being a great example and going back to school to achieve her dreams and become a successful woman. I wanna be like my mom when I grow old.
3. I am thankful for my little apartment. I love living in a great area, close to family and friends. I love it. :)
4. I am thankful for my puppy. Cap is my first pet ever, and I couldn't have asked for anyone better. He is so sweet and has so much personality. He has taken part in helping me get through the hard times. Cute little guy.
5. I am thankful for my friends and family. There were some events that happened this year that shaped myself and my life. It really showed me who matters and who truely cares about me. I have some amazing people in my life and I don't know what I'd do without their love and support.
6. I am thankful for my family, being my parents, my brother and my sisters. They truely have stood by me through every trial and they are still standing and are still loving me. I am very lucky to have such crazy, fantastic, most wonderful people in my life.
7. I am thankful for my in laws. They are quite different from my family, but that is one of the many reasons I love them. They give me more perspective on the world that I never would have thought of otherwise. Not to mention they are sweet and wonderful people who have accepted me in their family with open arms.
8. I am thankful for my husband's job, for keeping our little roof over our heads.
9. I am thankful for art (theater, photography, music, literature, ect.) for channeling any negative energy out in a good healthy way.
10. I am thankful for comedy, for making light of dark situations and making me laugh at myself.
11. I am thankful for my talents, for making me think more highly of myself.
12. I am thankful for my good health. I normally am pretty sickly, but I have been feeling good this year. I think part of it has to do with the many great things that have happened to me this year.
13. I am thankful for Dexter. It's a good show.
14. I am thankful for mint ice cream, chai tea, dark chocolate, peanut butter, red wine, fruit, and french fries.
15. I am thankful for all the little moments that keep me going. I live for the small happiness in being with the people I love and doing the things we love. I would even go as far to say I'm thankful for the bad moments. The wonderful small moments wouldn't be so wonderful without the bad moments. I am thankful for the balance.
Happy Thanksgiving! Love you all :)
read my fashion blog everyone! support my new hobby!
http://maidasugarnspice.blogspot.com/
Well.. this is slightly pathetic.
I haven't written in WAY too long. And so much has happened.. Instead of updating, I'll just skip all that and write about now..
Married life is wonderful. I couldn't be with someone more perfect for me. He is amazing :) We have our own little apartment on fort union blvd and 900 east. Been there for a year now! We live there with our adorable little puppy. He is a cock-a-mo (cocker spaniel, american eskimo mix), almost 2 now, and his name is Captain America. Yup. (NERD!) Cap is my first puppy, really my first pet ever, and I adore the little guy. He's at least helping the baby hunger. I am looking forward to motherhood in the next few (3-5) years, but as of right now, I am loving the newly married life. We get to have all these adventures and get into all sorts of trouble all with our best friend. Its wonderful :)
I have taken a big turn in my career. I don't have one.. haha. But I feel I'm getting on the right path. I quit Myler Disability (no more calling social security 20+ times a day! Yay!), and I had been jumping around this past month. I mainly looked into marketing, and I am NOT a salesman. I'm too nice. But while researching these other companies, I realized how much a truely love the business atmosphere. I went through a little bit of management training and that confirmed it. I want to someday start my own business. I'm looking into business schools and hopefully I'll find some match. I'm still on a current job search though. And it seems everyone wants a piece of a cozy office desk. So keep fingers crossed, or keep my name in your prayers, hopefully something will work out for me soon.
Also in the mean time, especially in finding out exactly what kind of business I'd want to start, I rediscovered my passion for the arts. It feels like it has been ages since I have truely done something artistic. Last week, I helped my mom redecorate her living room. And spontaniously, with mommy's blessing, I painted her wall. I painted a family tree and left spaces for our family pictures. I was so pleased with the outcome that I have been doodling since. And something I have been doodling quite a bit of..fashion. I have been sketching out outfits. With another help from mom, she convinced me to start a fashion blog. I actually just posted today. We'll see if people even read it. But upon thinking about it, how fun would it be if it really took off and someday I start my own fashion line!? I had never thought about going into that field, but I truely believe I would do well in it. So we'll see where it goes, but so far so good :) keeping optimistic. This big "ah" moment where things click and most everything is all figured out is a long time coming.
Other than that.. I need a vacation. Jon and I have yet to go on our honeymoon and our first year anniversary is approaching in the next couple months.. Its sorely overdue..
yeah i'm bad at keeping up on my blog.. sorry about that ;P
so since i wrote last...
i performed in my first slam (i read my judas poem. it was pretty awesome)
i became a distributor for herbalife (i dropped 3 pant sizes and lost 8 pounds of fat and 11 inches off my bod and i have lots of energy and feel great and healthy and all that great jazz! if youre interested let me know)
i have been modeling for my friend darling dana (if you wanna see any of the pics their on my facebook or you can check out my deviantart, http://zoeyjigsaw.deviantart.com/ )
i still havent registered for school YET (which i have changed my mind again about what to do. right now thinking of medical assisting)
i am still looking for a full time job (i do like my office aide job but they dont give me more hours they cut them instead. not cool)
i have reunited with an old friend and we're now best friends (it is possible to be really good friends with your ex. just fyi)
my girlie bestie sexi mexi (tanya) took me to an early bday get away and i saw the little mermaid at the tuacahn (oh...... my...... gosh..... AMAZING! i highly encourage you to see it!!)
my boyfriend has turned 24 (i threw him a party. it was fun)
and i'm preparing for my birthday is coming up this next week, cuz i have so much to be preparing for.. (i'm turning 20 and not planning my own party this time)
so in other words not much has changed.. haha
now youre all caught up!.. i guess ;P
listening to lady gaga's new single, judas, inspired this poem. thank you lady gaga ;P
'i'm just a holy fool, oh baby its so cruel
i'm still in love with judas, baby"
well, judas still loves you too!
~brother
dear lord
i'm sorry my brother
i dont know what happened
i feel like i've awaken from a curse
i am such a traitor
things came to light from my blinding dark night
after i kissed you
and told you brother
master i loved you
my kiss was death and i knew it
i know i was chosen to be royalty
but you king of kings
overshadow me
i was engulfed in deadly sins
like they were phases of grief
my grief was greed
the power you gave me was
intoxicating
and i couldnt get enough
lustful glutanous slothfulness
it gave me a high
but brother your goodness
provided faith to a people
who didnt know the meaning of it
your golden halo
sobered my high and my pride rised
i slowly became more defiant
to father's binding
his religion
a masking piece
a buckler to the blows
of the worlds ardors
the earth its posessions
the things i fell in love with
my pride turned my zeal into renegade
and just like that i became
the devils advocate
wrath burned in my throat
after you called me black sheep
i was just so envious of you brother
and that's just it
i wanted to be you brother
isnt that what you teach
to be christ like
but you set such an example
son of god
how do any of us mortals compare
as god's son father graced you
with a mafic finger
setting sweet spells
on the blind the deaf the dead
the magic finger of your father
and the angelic face of your virgin mother
i was not graced with your spirit brother
how can i be christ like
without your christ like powers
the deadly temptations offered refuge
they conviced me
if you yourself can't have the revelation
remove the teacher
gain some profit
brother the deadly sin
looked so friendly
they even asked me to seal my sin with a kiss
your cheek was so warm
the corners of your lips
were turned into a knowing smile
an accepting smile
my lips were scorched underneath
your godly skin
my filthy soul burned
as it was ripped off my lips
like you stripped me my mask of transgression
no one could know the guilt
all that was left of my being
except for maybe you brother
you bled for my guilt
from the pores i touched with my lips
because of me right now you are
bleeding again
bleeding because of me
bleeding for me
as you hang on your cross
i will hang my head
around this noose i made with my pain
i will step off this edge
and hang for you
i'm sorry brother
i love you brother
in your name
amen
