writing, my healing

things have been much much better :) i have a job, i have a boyfriend, i have plans for school. things are just about where i want them to be. i have also written a lot these past couple months. like, about a new poem every week. i have also picked up a short story i dropped about a year ago and i'm almost finished with it. and i truly believe that all this writing has helped me and my attitude. its like i let out negative energy in such a positive outlet.
speaking of writing, the cottonwood heights arts council has a literacy fair complete with a writing competition. i will be submitting a poem, but i cannot decide which one that i want to submit.. so! i am asking for your help! i have narrowed it down to three poems, i will have a poll to the side, please let me know which one you think i should submit! :)

~grim riper

i am blessed
i'm reminded of this everyday
in my work place
everyday i see these
young minds in withered bodies
when i see the result
of wounded hearts
and childhood fears
brought to reality
this disease will consume us all
with or without the diagnosis
dementia is unavoidable
all it does is make us forget
makes us fear the same
nightmares that made us trumble
when we first recognized the emotion
of terror
and that is when they are brought
to the poor souls like me
i was trained to nurse the elderly
back to a comforting state
to treat these adults like the children
they truly are inside
but these poor children don't know
who i am
they don't know
that i am that little smile they see
before they leave this world
for some in this home
i am their only family
i am their next generation
that sits by their side
before their final sleep
some even call me by their daughters' name
the one who never visits
who calls only to pay the bill
who left their mother to die
she is the nightmare
i am the relief
and mom's future is a dream
when she asks me
to sit with her so she won't die alone
i am reminded of my fiears
i feel her terror
and like a child
she grips my hand with
what strength she has
and like a mother
she asks only one thing of me
to spend these few moments with her
that's when i realize my fate
and i realize being that last friendly face
i am close to god
and his mighty touch
not only comforts the mothers i care for
but me as well
the fear is inevitable
but i have comfort
that there are poor souls like me
who will smile at death
and hold onto a lifeless hand
just to keep the childhood
monsters away

~happy tears

that smile is skinning me alive
i am no longer safe
no longer protected in my shell
every smirk cuts me deeper
and those dimples
they pierce me like needles
that laugh hits my ears
like a bullet
every time i hear that voice
it's a new puncture wound
and those words that
milk out of those rose petal lips
they burn like wax
on my naked eardrums
every word is a candle
that dances around my head
making me hot and dizzy
that language is so smooth
and beautiful like the
flame of that smoking being
every breath is more oxygen
to the fire i'm burning in
that touch so warm and soft
makes me shiver and shrink
inching back to comfort and safty
but the feeling that touch brings
is so toxic i need it
like any addiction
you're never really living without it
and those eyes are my addiction
and i need a fix
i need those eyes to burn
right through me 'til
there is nothing left
but my soul and scattered pieces
of my heart
and though those eyes
have barely met my gaze
they know everything about me
they know my secrets and flaws
and those eyes are
ripping out my faults
from my flesh
and then those same eyes
ignore my scars
and fill me with hope
hope that i may someday
someday love again
those hands are open
waiting for me to fill in those spaces
and melt into him
until we are one

~elements

when i was a child
i was afraid of fire
the bright heat of passion
twisted and shaked
then curled his seducing fingers
beckoning me to
braid his red hair
to cut his locks and
thread them into a gold gown
to breathe in the black toxins
of his fuel his oxygen
that would dry out my insides
as a child
i was afraid to step
within fifty feet of this heat
scared that his sparks
would set flame to my soul
that he'd pour gasoline on my skin
pack my mouth my eyes my ears
and all my other open wounds
with old love letters
and then pinch me with his yellow fingernails
and watch me burn
i burned into him
thought it was love
his fingers danced on my belly
circled my breast
then traced a scar on my cheek
that reads 'i loved you'
and then just like that
he stopped kindling the flame in me
and i was left to watch
my skin fall into the ash

it was then i decided
i would be happier with water than fire
and as soon as i stepped
in his cool blue eyes
i could feel the steam released
from my body like a sigh
i was baptized in his serenity
engulfed in his crisp language
and started to swallow
his words as to nourish myself
from the drought in my heart
but it all happened too quickly
his sweet words became rocks
in my stomach
he weighed me down
to a place i could not stand
i couldn't feel secure ground
i would try to keep my head held high
but a new wave of lies
would drown me
again and again and

so i gave up
and i let myself float to the shore
stable ground
haunting stillness in the air
dry and washed up
what a peaceful way to die
the earth surrounds me
they fill in the spaces between my fingers
but they are just temporary
i am alone with my scars and tears
trying to learn how to breathe again

almost on cue
you exhale and breeze that
twirls across my face
and sings in my lungs
making me gasp with surprise
you've always been there
whispering love notes in the wind
but i had no idea it felt this sweet
to be filled with you
to be full of your sencerity
its a brand new feeling to me
and now here we are
lying together high in this
billowy bright sky
breathing together
you blow in my ear
and cover me in kisses
i feel so alive with you
you surround me everywhere i go
like i'm protected by your
sweet nature
you have the heated passion
and the nourishing serenity
that my body craves
but you have a certain air about you
that makes you so lovable
so lets live in this moment
high off your oxygen and
high in the clouds
and lets never go back to reality
lets never come down

~if you really like one of these poems but it needs work then tell me what i should fix, i would really like to do well in this competition so any help i can get would be fantastic!! :D