getting closer!...

so! my bestie is a cna and her daddy is one of the big bosses of the company. i have been telling tanya about my troubles with saving up money and she suggested becoming a cna and i really fell in love with the idea! but there were a couple problems..the main one was the class costs 400+ and that is how much i have saved up for college......kind of a problem. and i was having a hard time finding a class to take that would be two weeks long so i dont spend a month or so in school i want to just get the certificate and start this job ya know!?..but i was getting pretty discouraged..
but then!! tanya texted me last wednesday and told me that if i got hired at the same place she works at, sugarhouse care and rehab, then her big boss daddy would pay for my classes...... what an opportunity!!!! :D so the next day i spent almost the whole day coming up with an impressive resume that makes me sound wanted despite my lack of experience and lack of certificate..and then yesterday i went down to talk to them hoping for a job.. they had me fill out an application and then i gave them the application and my resume told them that i dont have experience, a certification, but i have a big heart and connections..... and it was enough!!! i got hired!! my first day is on tuesday! now i need to take the cna class! i looked up a class that is two weeks long last week of september and first week of october! and i'm not paying for it!! :D
but now.....i have a new issue..... sugarhouse care and rehab is quite a distance from my house..3300 south and 950 east.. and this class i'm going to take is in west jordan 5 to 10 every night same time my dad has play rehearsal in centerville...... so i am in need of a car.. i am getting so much closer to taking control of my life and getting on my feet and its looking like this is the next step.. but not only is it a problem that i dont have the money to get a car but also i need a co-signer and my parents are in no position, my grandparents are in no position..so....not sure how this is gonna work out.... i know something will work out i'll find an aunt with good credit and if anybody knows a good deal on a good car thats running well thats only a couple thousand or less then please let me know!

poetic venting

been a little stressed about different things for the past little while..i do a lot of venting but i find i have the right words when i write poems.. and i actually really enjoy these poems i thought i did a good job so i would like to share just one of them. they are still pretty private poems..so only one poem :)

909

stuck in my words
frozen in my hate
wanna spite wanna choke
but its not gonna stop
it keeps comin keeps burning
this ice thrown at me
by a child? by a person?
by this thing that loves me
loves in this bubble created
to keep the peace keep the
innocence pulled out of my spine
limp and lost i'm choking on
the heat the wet air thats
huffed and puffed in my face
i'm suffocating in my box
grab that knife and make
the sides bleed crying for me
to come back but the oxygen
beckons and is waiting
i can't wait can't sit can't fake
my way through life with no
breath no feeling nothing inside
this ordinary created to be controlled
won't be controlled! won't be ignored
but the anxiety thickens the humidity
ripping and tearing my strength
i fall and eat myself up
to nothing left for them to hate
i'll get up i'm still tryin i'll
wake up in a new room cool dry air
waiting for me to breathe deep....